The door opens, A bitter waiter takes a drag on his pretend cigarette opens the cooler and screams "Who's on Salads?"

Well, it's that time again. Time for "Who's on Salads?" After going through many submissions,  this one takes the cake. This one get's the shift shot, win's weekly sales, this one gets exempt from singing the STUPID birthday song... Let's get right to it. Welcoming,  Nitrus Food Runner to the blog..

Stained Apron

Several years back I worked at a restaurant in Texas which I will not name. Let's just say that it is a Houston based "cajun concept" that shleps out drinks with names such as "Swampthing, Gatorwater, and my favorite.... the Dirty South!". The turn over for waiters in this establishment was quicker then shit through a goose. Much of this turn over was due to the constant nagging and crazy maker attitudes that the managers were required to have in order to get the job in the first place. One such manager that we had at the time was a crafty, bald on his head but hairy everywhere else, cocaine addicted, gay, jewish man who did not like a particular waiter that worked there at the time. Which was strange because he tended to like everyone and he was the one manager that we waiters liked. The waiter was not a particularly "hot headed" sort of person but you could tell that slowly but surely the manager and the establishment were breaking him down. BEWARE OF THE BITTER WAIT!! I can't remember what the final straw was but what ever it was sent the server over the edge. He quietly slipped back into the bathroom and then we watched as he walked from the bathroom to the front door all the while holding his apron at arms length and then like that, he was gone. A few of us walked over to the large windows behind the bar and watched him as he walked to the back of the parking lot, where the entire staff including the managers, were required to park. As he approached the managers brand new, forest green, Ford Bronco, he unfolded his apron and revealed a 10 inch long turd! Then he smashed that bitch right onto the windshield! No one said a word to the manager who was diligently looking around for the waiter, who was of course, long gone in his car by now. Just as the manager's spool was about to entirely unwind, right as he was on the edge of freaking out about the missing waiter, a red faced woman walked up 

"Yes, I need the number for the corporate office and I want my meal for FREE!"

"What seems to be the problem, ma'am?" 

"Well, some son of a bitch just fucking smashed an apron full of shit onto the windshield of my car!" 

Of course, the manager was in shock. The woman had the exact same car as he did! Needless to say she got what she wanted as well as a free car wash!

Last I heard, that manager was still bald and working in a "windy city" for the same chain..